Spider-Man: Homecoming & How Marvel Is Making Me a Cougar

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My insides are crying.

Spider-Man: Homecoming literally shook the core of my being. I had some high expectations, and this was everything I wanted and somehow so much more. I don’t want to speak too soon because I’ve only seen the movie once (although, this is being remedied tonight), but… Spider-Man: Homecoming might be one of the greatest things that mine eyes have seen and ears have heard and heart has felt.

Don’t worry, there are no spoilers in this post. As long as you’ve seen the trailers.

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Me, decked out in all things Spidey for opening night of Homecoming. Like my spider owl?

Anyone who knows me knows that Spider-Man is my favorite superhero of all time. He’s on my key ring, my walls, my shelves, my clothes, and even my bed. Yeah… I got a lotta merch. So, having Spider-Man finally join the rest of the incredible MCU brings my heart excruciating delight. Who cares if they keep rebooting the character? I’m just glad they keep making movies ‘cause I wanna see my boo on that big screen.

Speaking of…

Can we just talk about how amazing Tom Holland is for a second?

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I am crushing so hard on Tom Holland right now.

Like, seriously. Just stop.

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What are you doing to me, Marvel?! I’m not really one to go for a younger guy, but Tom Holland CAN CALL ME. Great, this movie is making me crush on a teenager. He was, what, only 19 and barely legal during the filming of Homecoming?! Marvel is turning me into a cougar. But hey, he just turned 21 recently. This is doable. I didn’t think I could get any more shook after Tom Holland’s Lip Sync Battle performance to Rhianna’s “Umbrella.” But I have been effectively re-shook.

In this film, Tom Holland completely embodies everything I love about the character of Peter Parker/Spider-Man. I loved Tobey and Andrew. They both brought different things to the role that I appreciate, that resonate with me. But Maguire was maybe a little too awkward and nerdy, while Garfield was maybe a little too cool and quippy. Tom Holland is the perfect balance.

Just woke up in Moscow. Time to go to work. #spidermanhomecoming

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I mean, we do realize that Tom Holland basically IS Peter Parker, right? Are we sure he doesn’t actually have spider powers? As if he didn’t already look and sound (I dig the accent) and flip around enough like the part, Tom ACTS the socks off this role. That scene where he’s stuck under the rubble…are you kidding me?! I have not seen Peter so genuine and vulnerable. This moment is so real and human, and it honestly broke my heart a little to watch. Moments like this prove why these aren’t just “superhero movies.”

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Also, Tom’s Spidey is like the world’s strongest cinnamon roll. He brings an innocence and sincerity to Peter. He has childlike wonder and enthusiasm for this new world he’s a part of. I mean, he’s flippin’ Spider-Man, but I just want to protect him from this cruel world!

Tom Holland is everything you want Spider-Man to be, and more importantly, he’s always Peter Parker underneath the mask.

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Peter Parker has a heart of gold and has stolen my own heart. 

Homecoming hit me right in the feels because it got to the core of why I love Spider-Man, and that’s because of Peter Parker. This film shows him as a literal “kid.” He’s only 15 years old but suddenly has this huge weight on his shoulders. All I want is for him to be able to go to the party! Or go to the dance! Or tell the girl he likes that he’s her superhero crush! Or show off to those jerks at school! There were moments where I really thought he might indulge for a second. After all, he’s just a kid. He’s allowed to be a little selfish and petty, right? But NOPE. My boy Peter has just got to do the right thing. Why? Because with great power comes great responsibility, that’s why.

Curse you, Uncle Ben. Give the poor guy a break.

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But this is the cross that Peter bears. He doesn’t just get to be a normal guy. Because, well, he’s not anymore. And my heart breaks for him EVERY TIME. He may be just a teenager, he may be a little reckless or flakey, but he also acts with such maturity. He accepts the responsibilities these powers have given him, and though his personal life suffers, he continually chooses to do the right thing.

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When encountering some goons, Spidey says that if they want someone to shoot at, they should shoot at him. And isn’t this just the heart of Peter Parker? Helping others at his own expense. Just lookin’ out for the little guy.

That’s my man.

After two recent Spider-Man franchises, how do they make this one fresh and unique?

Because they’re Marvel and can just sneeze out gold.

No, but seriously, although I was never worried about how Marvel would make this newest take on Spidey interesting, my expectations were really blown out of the water. Raimi and Webb’s movies did plenty of things right. And instead of just rehashing out things like Uncle Ben’s death and long shots of Spidey slinging through the NYC skyline, Homecoming constantly takes Spidey out of his element.

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Four words: Spidey in the suburbs. There’s a hilarious sequence where Spidey is on a chase in the suburbs, and we finally get to see just how impractical he is outside of the big city with all of its web-slingable skyscrapers. Similarly, our hero finds himself stuck in the middle of the open water on a ferry, in the middle of the open skies on a jet. This not only escalates the stakes, but also provides unique new environments for us to see Spidey try to adapt to.

Also, the opening sequence where Peter is video documenting his experiences through Civil War is one of my favoritest things in the world. I sincerely hope they bring this around in the following movies. I think this is a brilliant and fresh, modern take on Peter Parker being a photographer. Fingers crossed we see more of Peter’s epic vlogging skills before and DURING his fights. Oh my gosh, I’m freaking out just thinking about it.

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What’s wrong with this movie…

I can’t even come up with jokey things that are wrong with it. Um… I needed more of my girl Zendaya! And more of Tom Holland’s dance moves, please.

Ugh, I can’t even be mad at the things they didn’t expound upon because they set things up so perfectly and didn’t jam too much into one movie. I could say I wish they did this or that, but the choices they made were so spot-on that I really can’t complain because anything I’d wish they had added or changed wouldn’t have been as good.

This section of the post was a mistake. I got nothing.

There are not enough words for this movie.

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I haven’t even scratched the surface of the feelings and thoughts I have after this movie. I may need to start a support group.

It makes me so excited to know that this movie exists and that I’m going to get to watch it SO. MANY. TIMES. I have always said that Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 2 is my favorite film. I saw it a whopping 10 times in theaters. I doubt I’ll ever beat that…but Spider-Man: Homecoming actually makes me want to try.

Welcome home, Spidey. You’re right where you belong.

Go see Spider-Man: Homecoming in theaters now!

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3 thoughts on “Spider-Man: Homecoming & How Marvel Is Making Me a Cougar

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